Of course that’s valid 🙂 I wouldn’t get mad at someone’s preference! And I like some redhead Kurama topping Hiei sometimes, too. But I don’t like conflating “bottoming” with femininity. I don’t like Kurama on the bottom because he’s “feminine.” I think there’s a huge backlash against Kurama being on the bottom because early fandom, when the m/m fandom was still being born and we still had yaoi with lemons and limes, people would often characterize Kurama as too feminine, almost turning him into a woman, both in how he was portrayed in writing and in art.
But I feel like we’ve moved past that. At least, I and my personal circle mostly had. To me, things such as level of femininity or masculinity have nothing to do with the top/bottom dynamic, if there even is one. In early fandom especially, there was somewhat of a love/hate relationship with m/m in general, and “gay” relationships were just portrayed completely unrealistically, including sex.
This is actually a great chance to discuss something I’ve wanted to talk about for a while.
This is mostly speculation and my limited observations, so please don’t take any offense to it. Long winded informal discussion, rant, meta??? of yaoi, femininity, uke/seme, all that, below.
You also tend to forget that there are a significant amount of gay/bi men who aren’t primarily into anal or penetration, that the most common m/m sex act is oral sex, and that a lot of the genre’s focus on anal is basically a substitute for PIV for the female readership.
And even if you do include penetrative sex, there is such a thing as “topping from the bottom” with the partner being penetrated being the one in control of the situation. (This goes for women in hetero pairings for conventional PIV sex as well.)
^ Great addition! I could have been clearer (I did say it was rambling, haha!) but the idea of anal being a substitute for f/m sex is what I was trying to get at, and that there isn’t always a clear “top” or “bottom” in same sex relationships because not everyone engaged in penetrative sex.
But this is yet another great example of why the yaoi genre was never primarily concerned with m/m relationships, but f/m, with one men acting as a proxy for the woman. Though, as bizarrolord mentioned, even women can be “in control.”
Overall, I find the whole uke/seme dynamic old fashioned, the same way I find men always paying for dinner or being the ones to ask for the first date a bit old fashioned.
– Mod Lola





















